so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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