would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
