Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
