I hope mine doesn't look like that
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
wow bdsm is so cute
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