Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
