oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
