I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
