i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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