Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
