that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
