How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
