dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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