Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
