we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
