I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
