this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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