So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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