I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
