READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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