Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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