When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
