i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
