i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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