Moan for me like Helen Keller
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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