at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
did i walk over a car last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
