I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize