Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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