you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
