I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Only a mothe r could love this liver
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Girls should come with a carfax report
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
