the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
