He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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