He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize