if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
