i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
