bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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