Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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