I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
