Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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