i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
