try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
