Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
