So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize