Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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