Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize