and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sober January is a disaster.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize