3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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