i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
