Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
