The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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