You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
