Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
