Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
