I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
