Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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