P.S. I can't hear my feet
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
