Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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