Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
