So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
