Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
