In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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