If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you win again, gameday.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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