I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
