listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your penis caused this!
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