He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize