i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
