Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
