I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
