New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize