you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
