before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
