Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize