Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
