Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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